more lost memories

many lost memories, many memories that have lost the ability to exist and to serve us in the present. and memory is always only about now, never about the past. the pilot who remembers things he learned in order to land the bird, how we make our decisions based on experience, to find cure for something going wrong; we don’t care about the past, we care about using the past for what’s directly in front of us. thus, it is intriguing what people have been sending me – your comments here, emails to iwontforgetyou <at> sasa-stanisic.de, postcards filled out after my readings – all of this full of beautiful, haunting, magical thoughts about something empty being still carried as weight.

here are some questions, to the answer: this I have forgotten.

in september, I will start looking for these forgotten things and photograph them or what I find in them. here we go:

lost memories

„What is it like to have a deep, ‘warm’ conversation with my father, whom I have not had a relationship with for 20 years?“

„How to allow myself to be vulnerable to someone who has the capacity to exploit that vulnerability … aka: How to fall in love.“

„What is the full name of my first school teacher?“

„I have forgotten the first time I tasted ice cream. Recently, I was with my friend Emily when she fed her daughter strawberry ice cream for the first time. The little girl got very serious all of a sudden, very interested in having more of this cold, sweet, unfamiliar taste. I will wait to feed my daughter ice cream until she’s old enough to remember.“

„What I said to her that night.“

„What is it like to not be compared to my Mom? (But I also forgot what is it like to not want to be just like her, too.)“

„What did my grandmother smell like?“

„When I was young, my aunt’s best friend, who was blind, taught me a song about a studdering soldier calling to his love while we were drying the dishes. I wish I could remember that song.“

„What did it feel to be 5 years old? What was Berlin like when it was only West-Berlin? What did I see when we went to East-Berlin? What did my parents say on the night of the 9th November 1989?“

„Sometimes I forget how to be comfortable in the present moment. Sometimes I can do it & it’s wonderful!“

„What is it like to wake up and live a day with no worries or responsibilities, just experiencing things as they come?“

„What have I forgotten that I wish I hadn’t? The exact timbre and rhythm of my long-dead father’s voice, and the exact sound of his laugh.“

„I wish I could remember the first piece of literature that I read and could realize what literature is.“

„What was it like to hear the Eroica Symphony <Ludwig van Beethoven> for the first time?“

„I forget the feeling that my parents are perfect.“

„What did I actually learn in my elementary school? I forgot the most of it!“

„How does it feel to hold a cigarette?“

„What does it feel like to not feel guilty over not reaching my potential?“

„What were the words in a letter written by my grandmother to me when I was a child?“

„Aspects of my childhood and some sense of wonder of the world associated to my childhood.“

„How good it feels when someone reads to you.“