more lost memories

Juli 9, 2008

many lost memories, many memories that have lost the ability to exist and to serve us in the present. and memory is always only about now, never about the past. the pilot who remembers things he learned in order to land the bird, how we make our decisions based on experience, to find cure for something going wrong; we don’t care about the past, we care about using the past for what’s directly in front of us. thus, it is intriguing what people have been sending me – your comments here, emails to iwontforgetyou <at>, postcards filled out after my readings – all of this full of beautiful, haunting, magical thoughts about something empty being still carried as weight.

here are some questions, to the answer: this I have forgotten.

in september, I will start looking for these forgotten things and photograph them or what I find in them. here we go:

lost memories

Juli 9, 2008

„What is it like to have a deep, ‚warm‘ conversation with my father, whom I have not had a relationship with for 20 years?“

„How to allow myself to be vulnerable to someone who has the capacity to exploit that vulnerability … aka: How to fall in love.“

„What is the full name of my first school teacher?“

„I have forgotten the first time I tasted ice cream. Recently, I was with my friend Emily when she fed her daughter strawberry ice cream for the first time. The little girl got very serious all of a sudden, very interested in having more of this cold, sweet, unfamiliar taste. I will wait to feed my daughter ice cream until she’s old enough to remember.“

„What I said to her that night.“

„What is it like to not be compared to my Mom? (But I also forgot what is it like to not want to be just like her, too.)“

„What did my grandmother smell like?“

„When I was young, my aunt’s best friend, who was blind, taught me a song about a studdering soldier calling to his love while we were drying the dishes. I wish I could remember that song.“

„What did it feel to be 5 years old? What was Berlin like when it was only West-Berlin? What did I see when we went to East-Berlin? What did my parents say on the night of the 9th November 1989?“

„Sometimes I forget how to be comfortable in the present moment. Sometimes I can do it & it’s wonderful!“

„What is it like to wake up and live a day with no worries or responsibilities, just experiencing things as they come?“

„What have I forgotten that I wish I hadn’t? The exact timbre and rhythm of my long-dead father’s voice, and the exact sound of his laugh.“

„I wish I could remember the first piece of literature that I read and could realize what literature is.“

„What was it like to hear the Eroica Symphony <Ludwig van Beethoven> for the first time?“

„I forget the feeling that my parents are perfect.“

„What did I actually learn in my elementary school? I forgot the most of it!“

„How does it feel to hold a cigarette?“

„What does it feel like to not feel guilty over not reaching my potential?“

„What were the words in a letter written by my grandmother to me when I was a child?“

„Aspects of my childhood and some sense of wonder of the world associated to my childhood.“

„How good it feels when someone reads to you.“

Und du? And you?

Juni 25, 2008

Was hast du vergessen? An was würdest du dich gerne erinnern, kannst es aber nicht?

What did you forget? What would you like to remember, but you can’t?

Ich werde verlorenen Erinnerungen mit Fotografien nachgehen.

I will seek for lost memories through photography.

Was weiß denn ich?!

Juni 4, 2008

Was war mein erstes Wort, mit dem ich mehr wollte, als nur etwas mitteilen?

Wie viele Sätze habe ich im Leben bisher mißverstanden?

Wie lautete die subjektiv schwierigste mathematische Gleichung, die ich gelöst habe?

Bin ich jemals im Stehen eingeschlafen?

Wovon – wenn – habe ich dabei geträumt?

Wann habe ich bemerkt, dass die Dinge insgesamt nicht schlecht laufen?

Was weiß denn ich nicht!

Mai 27, 2008

Wann habe ich zum ersten Mal verlangt, man möge mich alleine auf der Toilette lassen?

Wie wars?

Welche Frisur trug ich im Jahr 1984?

Haben mir Waschmaschinen wirklich Angst eingejagt als ich klein war oder ist das eine dieser Kindheitslegenden?

Von mir selbst erschaffen?

Warum mag ich Bohnen wirklich nicht?

Was weiß ich denn nicht?!

Mai 26, 2008

Was habe ich am 26. Mai 1992 um 16.22h gemacht?

Wie viele Gerichte habe ich bisher zubereitet? (Koche ungern)

Wessen Kleiderstücke haben sich bisher in mein Besitz verirrt?

Habe ich etwas zu verschulden, was ich mir niemals verzeihen würde, weiß aber nichts davon?

Was weiß denn ich nicht?

Mai 18, 2008

An wen habe ich den ersten Brief meines Lebens geschrieben?

Was war der erste Satz?

Wann habe ich verstanden, dass man Essen versalzen kann?

Haben mich Schatten jemals erschreckt?

Was weiß ich denn nicht.

Mai 11, 2008

Wann habe ich das Konzept des Finalen beim Tod verstanden?

Was war meine erste Lüge?

Welche Gedichte konnte ich auswendig als ich 10 war?

Wer hält mich hier?